A golfer was standing in the fairway, about 140 yards out, when a frog
whispered from the rough, "Use an 8-iron." The golfer, deep in
concentration pulled out his 8-iron and hit the shot. It rolled
right into the cup for an eagle. "Now take me to Vegas," said the
frog.
"What?" said the startled golfer, suddenly realizing it was a talking
frog. "You heard me," repeated the frog, "take me to Vegas. I'm obviously a
lucky frog, and we'll make a bundle!"
So the golfer picked up the frog and they flew to Vegas. In the
casino, the frog whispered, "Go to the dice table and bet everything
on the pass line." The shooter rolled a seven, and the man with the
frog won $100,000.

Then the guy took the frog upstairs to his room and the frog said,
"Kiss me." When he did, it turned into the most beautiful girl you've
ever seen - deep brown eyes, blond hair, beautiful smile and 16 years
old.

"And I swear, Your Honor, that's how she got in my room."

A State police stopped to arrest these two for having sex, a hooker and a truck driver. Three hillbillies were walking by and the patrolman said; “you are witnesses and you will have to appeared in court” The judge asked the first witness what had happen. He said they were fu....g. The judge said, you can't swear in my court 10 dollars will be the fine. So he asked the next witness. What did you see? Well, I saw the same thing, they were fu....g! The judge said that is you will also be fine 10 dollars. So he asked the third witness. What did he see? Well judge I saw 10 toes up 10 toes down two bear asses rolling around, 6 inch's out 6 inch's in. if that ain't fu....g here's my 10.

A man is in court for murder and the judge says, “You are charged
with beating your wife to death with a hammer.”
Then a voice at the back of the court says, “You bastard!”
The judge continues, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer.”
Again the voice at the back of the court says, “You bastard!”
The judge says, “Now, we cannot have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt, now what is the problem?”
Then the man at the back of the court says, 'Fifteen years I lived
next door to that bastard and every time I asked to borrow a hammer
he said he never had one!'

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."

On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? "

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"Wow!" says the judge.. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. "I drew two circles like this: o O. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your asshole before prison..................