Journalist: "Mr President! Your secretary says you have an extremely small penis. Would you like to comment?"

President: "The truth is, that woman has a very big mouth!"

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as “Hillbillies.”
You must now refer to them as “Appalachian Americans.” And furthermore
How to speak about women and be politically correct:
1. She is not a “Babe” or a “Chick” – She is a “Breasted American.”
2. She is not “Easy” – She is “Horizontally Accessible.”
3. She is not a “Dumb Blonde” – She is a “Light-Haired Detour off the Information Superhighway.”
4. She has not “Been Around” – She is “Previously-Enjoyed Companion.”
5. She does not “Nag” you – She becomes “Verbally Repetitive.”
6. She is not “Two-Bit Hooker” – She is a “Low-cost Provider.”
How to speak about men and be politically correct:
1. He does not have a “Beer Gut” – He has developed a “Liquid Grain Storage Facility.”
2. He is not a “Bad Dancer – He is “Overly Caucasian.”
3. He does not “Get Lost all the Time” – He “Investigates Alternative Destinations.”
4. He is not “Balding” – He is in “Follicle Regression.”
5. He does not act like a “Total Arse” – He develops a case of “Rectal-Cranial Inversion.”
6. It’s not his “Crack” you see hanging out of his pants – It’s “Rear Cleavage.”

I had a dream that I was in heaven. I saw this room full of clocks. I saw names on the clocks and questioned an angel what was this about. He said, "Every person has a clock that is set at midnight and each time they tell a lie it moves forward a minute. Then I saw a clock for mother Teresa and it was still on midnight. I saw other that had just moved forward a few minutes and others at 2:00 am and 5:00 am. Then I saw a room that just had presidential clocks. Sure enough George Washington's was only set at 12:05 and Abe Lincoln was only 12:10. I said “I see them all, but where is Obama's clock?" The angel said "Oh it was removed by Jesus and he is using it as a ceiling fan".

In any municipal parade the street cleaners are always placed right behind the politicians.