An elderly couple decides to marry, and she has a heart condition that he is unaware of. As they prepare for their wedding night, getting into bed, she says, "George, I have something to tell you--I have acute angina." George crawled into bed and replied, "I'm glad to know that, because the rest of you is UGLY!"

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.

One leaned over and said, "Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!"
You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill.
As fast as she could, the first little old lady fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show. Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause.
The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.
"I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement."

This elderly lady is a widow two times, and she decides to get married again, on the wedding night she shows in church dress in white, the preacher comes over and said, excuse me but what are you doing? She replies Preacher I came to get married, he said, don’t you know that only virgins are supposed to dress in white in their wedding night? She responds, but preacher I’m still a virgin, I married you two times in this church before how can you tell me that you are still a virgin. She said I’m and I can proved it, look at it this way my first husband was a Gynecologist all he wanted was to look at it
My second husband was a stamp collector; boy do I miss that guy.

An elderly man went to the doctor’s office to have a sperm count done. When the doctor called him in to the office and asked the man how he could help, he replied that he would like to have his sperm count checked. The doctor asked if he was planning another family, and the old guy says, "No, I am 73 and my wife is 67, I just want a sperm count done." So the doctor gives the man a vial and tells him to take it home and when he gets a sample, to bring it in to the office. So the next day, the doctor sees the same man in the waiting room, and calls him in to the office. "Do you have a sample for me already?” the doctor asks. "No I don’t", replies the old man. "I tried with my left hand, and nothing, then I tried my right hand, still nothing. Then I asked my wife to help and she used her left hand, her right hand, nothing worked. She even took out her teeth and used her gums. We just couldn’t get the lid off the bottle.