One day a little boy sees his mother stepping out of the shower and curiously points to her triangle of hair and asks, "Mommy, what's that?" "That's my mop", she replies. The little boy then asks, "Where is the handle?" The mother replies, "Oh, Dad is going to put it on tonight."

Shortly after Mr. Johnson died, his wife got a phone call from the mortuary. The mortician told her that he had a problem closing Mr. Johnson's casket because he died with a hard-on. Mrs. Johnson said she'd be right down and take care of it.
When she arrived, she took out a knife from her purse and cut off Mr. Johnson's penis. As she was leaving with the penis, the mortician asked what she was going to do with it. She said come with me I'll show you.
When she got home she took a frying pan and some butter and began to sauté the penis. Shocked beyond belief the Mortician asked her why she was cooking the penis. She said "I've eaten this raw for 30 years, I want to see what it tastes like cooked!!"

A little boy says to a girl,” How many knees do you have?" The little girl says, “Well, I only have two. A left and a right knee. What about you?" The boy says,” I have four knees. A left knee, a right knee, a hinee, and a weenie!!!"

A man goes to visit his doctor and is complaining of penile erection dysfunction. His doctor tells him of a new surgical breakthrough where they transplant some muscle tissue from an elephant's trunk to the base of a man's penis. The guy agrees to the surgery as he has tried everything else to solve his problem.
A few months later, and after he is all healed from the operation, he is having dinner with a beautiful woman. His Mr. Happy begins to get excited, so much so, that he had to undo his fly to relieve the pressure. The next thing you know, his penis shows up on top of the dinner table and grabs a dinner roll and retrieves it to his pants.
His date is quite shocked at the sight of this, but at the same time curious. She asks him if he can do that again. To which he replies, "I'm pretty sure I can do that again, but I'm not too sure if my ass can handle another dinner roll right now!"