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[41] Female Jokes

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SpicyJokes.com # 20275
Thanks to: Anonymous
rec.:12/23/2005    pub.:1/17/2006    Sent:2/21/2006
Ranking: 2.62 / 13
 
OR

Cinderella walked along the beach, gray-haired, hip-replaced and elderly, accompanied only by her arthritic old tomcat. ZAP! Her old Fairy Godmother appeared.
"Hi there, Cinders. I've come to grant you three wishes again."
"Oh. Fairy Godmother, I wish I could be young again," said Cinderella.
"Done”, said the Fairy and Cinderella was again in the bloom of youth and beauty.
"Oh, Fairy Godmother, I wish I could be rich like I used to be," and lo and behold, it came about.
"Fairy Godmother, is it too much to ask for you to turn my old tomcat into the handsome man of my dreams?" asked Cinderella.
"Not at all, my dear, here he is!" With that the Fairy Godmother disappeared and right in front of Cinderella stood the real man of her dreams instead of her old mangy cat. She held her arms open to him and they kissed romantically. "Now then, Cinderella", he said, "aren't you sorry you took me to the vet?"

 

SpicyJokes.com # 21339
Thanks to: Jack Reider - Paris - France
rec.:2/26/2007    pub.:4/9/2007    Sent:12/2/2007
Ranking: 3.43 / 7
 
OR

Before you read any further, please note that this is not a piece out to damage or cut down the important role of women in our society. Read below only as humor and nothing more. These are intended solely for a good laugh.

18 Similarities between Women and Computers
Have you ever wondered in what way are women like the computers we have at home? Here, I show you how.
Women are unique in many ways (and by this I mean different than men) and it’s this specific uniqueness or certain traits that I refer to when likening a woman to a personal computer. Do not get offended; it is intended to create a smile.

1) A woman is like a computer in that she costs more than you thought it would.
2) A woman resembles a personal computer in that she will not do exactly what you thought it will.
3) After a while, you simply cannot do without both: your computers and your woman.
4) Computers are just like women: after you have gotten used to them and cannot do without them, you discover that one is not enough.
5) Some computers, like some women, serve many people.
6) You can work miracles with both by gently using your fingers if you only know the proper code.
7) If you are inactive with them for more than fifteen minutes, they go off.
8) Just like a computer, the one who runs her has more privileges than just anyone else who is just running her.
9) When there are short-circuits of electricity, they shut you off and then you cannot always return to what was before the short-circuit.
10) Normally, they are available and receptive in the night, but it’s a lot better when they are available and receptive in the morning.
11) When you are, at last, sure that they will do what you wanted, they go off and do something else.
12) The only thing that you predict about the future with them is that they will react unpredictably.
13) Just like women, so too for computers: every year a new model is released that is younger, more advanced and gives a lot more.
14) A woman is just like a computer: you are happy with what you have but when you see what your friends have got, you are sure you want what they have.
15) Women are like computers in that no matter how much you improve and put into them, they only improve for a short time and then go back to their same old pace.
16) Women are like computers in that every day a new program comes out promising to revolutionize your knowledge and use of them, but after spending a lot more cash you realize that none of them work better than the old one you had before.
17) Women are like computers: you always want what others have and they want what you have but you cannot switch even for a trial basis.
18) Women are like computers in that when you get them you are sure that they are the best. But when the days go back, you wonder why you did not get them with a replacement note.


 

SpicyJokes.com # 22220
Thanks to: Anonymous
rec.:5/15/2009    pub.:6/1/2009    Sent:8/27/2009
Ranking: 2.71 / 7
 
OR

There are "4" animals EVERY woman needs:
- A "Mink" for her closet
- A "Jaguar" in the garage
- A "Tiger" in the bedroom, and
- A "Jackass" to pay for it all!!!

 

SpicyJokes.com # 22553
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:4/14/2010    pub.:4/14/2010    Sent:7/12/2010
Ranking: 4.33 / 3
 
OR

Three members of a weekly bridge quartet were all impressed when the fourth arrived wearing a gorgeous new mink coat. “That’s a lovely garment, Fran,” purred one woman. “It must have cost you a fortune!” “But it didn’t,” said Fran, “just a single piece of ass.”
“You mean,” continued the admirer of the coat, “One that you gave your husband?” “No,” smiled the coat wearer, “One that he got from the maid.”

 

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