The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

A man had a hobby of hitting lawyers with his car every time one happened to cross his path.
The man sees a priest hitchhiking on the side of the road, so he picks him up and says: "where to father" the priest replies, "the church". On the way, the man sees a lawyer and swerves to hit him, he then remembers he has a priest in the car and tries to miss the lawyer but he still hears a thud.
The man says to the priest: "I'm sorry father, I almost hit that lawyer" the priest says "It's ok, I got him with the door"

A man telephones a law office and says: "I want to speak to my lawyer.
The receptionist replies: I'm sorry but he died last week.
The next day the same man phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the man calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The man says, "Because I just love hearing it."

A drunk walks into a bar, orders a drink and says to the bartender, “all lawyers are assholes” and the guy at the end of the bar says “you better take that back” The drunk man goes, why, are you a lawyer? The man says no, I’m an asshole.