The pharmacist comes to in to the drugstore to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. He approaches the clerk and asks: “What’s with that guy over there by the wall? The clerk says the man came in earlier to get something for his cough. “And since she could not find the cough syrup, she gave him a bottle of laxative.” The horrified pharmacist shouts: “You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!”
The clerk calmly responds; “Of course you can! Look at him; he is afraid to cough!”

This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.
She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had the corpse-like look on my face! What’s wrong with Me, Doctor!?” The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, and then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there is nothing wrong with your eyesight….”

A man is having his first proctologic exam. The nurse told him to have a seat in the examination room and said the doctor would be with him in just a few minutes. As he waited, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor’s desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.
When the doctor appeared, the man said, “Look Doc, this is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but what’s the beer for?” The doctor curses in exasperation, flung open the door, and yelled to his nurse. “Nurse! I said to bring me a butt light!”

Marie got a job waitressing at the hotel dining room. She handed a doctor the menu and waited. In the meantime she reached behind and gave herself a good scratch. The man noticed this and asked her if she had hemorrhoids. She replied, "If they ain't on the menu we ain't got none.