Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders.
The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.

The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore, than let liquor touch these lips!"

The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice.

One Sunday morning, Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and said, "Mom & Dad, I have some great news for you. I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington! He lives in Georgetown and his name is Matt."

After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to talk with you. Your Mother and I have been married a long time.
She's a wonderful wife but she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I have fooled around with other women a lot. Matt is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him." Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again.

A year later she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June." Again, her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Robert is your half-brother too, Honey. I'm awfully sorry about this." Chelsea became furious upon hearing what her Dad had to say.

She decided to go to her Mother and tell her about his numerous infidelities. After Chelsea told her Mom everything, she concluded crying, "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married. Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the guy is my half-brother."

Hillary just shook her head and replied, "Don't pay any attention to what he says dear. He's not really your father."

The history teacher wanted to award some of her students with a prize of going home early on Friday. So she said "anyone that answers the following questions first with the correct answer gets to go home! Little Johnny thinks to himself "man I really need to go home early".
The teacher asks, who said, “ Ask not what my country can do for me but, what can I do for my country"? Mary raises her hand first and says "John Kennedy.
The teacher says correct, you may go home.
Next she asks who said, "I have a dream"; Peggy raises her hand and says Martin Luther King". "Correct" says the teacher you may go home.
"Damn I wish those bitches had kept their mouths shut,” says Little Johnny. "Who said that?” asks the teacher angrily? Bill Clinton! “See you Monday, Teach" answers Johnny going out the door.

Q: What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?
A: They both say insert BILL HERE.