A man owns a horny parrot. Every time the man reaches into the cage, the bird humps his arm. He invites his mother to tea and the bird keeps using foul language. Finally he takes the parrot to the vet.
The vet examines the bird extensively and says, ‘Well, you have a horny male parrot.
I have a sweet young female bird, and for $50.00 your bird can go in the cage with mine.’
The guy’s parrot is listening and says, ‘Come on! Come on! What are you waiting for?
Finally the guy says, ‘All right.’
He hands over the $50.00. The vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird and closes the curtain.
Suddenly, ‘Kwah! Kwah! Kwah! The cage starts shaking and feathers come flying out.
The vet says, ‘Holy gee,’ and runs across the room and opens the curtain.
The male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage with one claw. With the other claw he’s pulling out all her feathers. “For fifty bucks, I want you naked, bitch. Naked! The parrot says.

What, exactly, are cats?
• Cats do what they want, when they want.
• They never listen.
• They are not predictable.
• They whine when they are not happy.
• When you want to play, they want to be left alone.
• When you want to be alone, they want to play.
• They expect you to cater to their every whim.
• They are moody
• They leave their hair everywhere.
• They drive you nuts.
Cats are small women in fur coats.

Deep within a forest little turtle begins to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs and crashes to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbs the tree again, jumps, and falls to the ground. The turtle tries again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watch his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turns to her mate.
“Dear,’ she chirps, ‘I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.’

Two minks grow up and are best friends. The day comes when it’s their turn to be made into coats.
The first mink says to the other, “See you in temple.”