Q: How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
A: Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

The most important thing in the programming language is the name. A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable language.

Bill Gates dies and goes to hell, and is greeted by Satan. Satan says,
"I'm in a good mood today, I let you pick out which of three rooms you'd rather be in."
He leads Bill to the first room. It is filled with lava and people getting tortured. He goes forward to the next room where there is people standing in fire screaming. So he is taken to the next room where there is a beautiful woman, a bottle of wine and A COMPUTER!! He says "I'll take this room thanks!" So Satan locks him in and then one of his messengers come racing up asking: "Why are you putting him in there?" And Satan says,
"There is a hole in the wine bottle, no hole in the lady and the computer is Windows 95 and it is missing three keys."
"Which keys?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."

The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball."
"Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"