A Tex-Mex grandma tells it like it is!
Lawyers should never ask a Mexican grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer:
In a trial, in a small town in Texas, a Prosecuting attorney called his
first witness, a Mexican grandmother, an elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, Mrs. Sanchez,” Do you know me?"
She responded, "si, I mean, jess I know you Mr. Williams. I known you
since you were a chavalito (little boy) and frankly you've been a big disappointment to
me. You lie; you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you will never amount to nothing but to a paper pusher. “Jess I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, Mrs. Sanchez, do you know the defense attorney? Again she replied, "why jess I do. I've known Mr.Rodriguez since he was a chavalito too. He's lazy, and he has a drinking problem. He can't have a normal relationship with nobody and he has the
worst law practice in the State. Ha y otra cosa! He too cheated on his wife with three different Putas. One of them was your wife. You remember? I know Mr. Rodriguez, his mama is not to proud of him." The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very quiet
voice said, "if either of you pendejos ask her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair

An old man woke up one morning and discovered that he was having trouble hearing in his one ear.
And so he went to the doctor's office. The doctor then looked into his ear and pulled out a suppository from the old man's ear.
The old man looked at the suppository in the doctor's hand and then said, "Oh, now I know where to look for that hearing aid!"

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

A doctor requested that his 88-year-old patient have a sperm count as
part of his annual physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 88-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office
and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous
day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's
like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried
with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then
with her left, still nothing... She tried with her mouth, first with the
teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. ‘We even called up Arleen, the
lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit,
and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor? ‘The old man
replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.

A little old was going up and down the halls in a nursing home wearing only a flimsy negligee. As she walked, she would flip up her nightgown at people and say,"Super-sex!!"
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said,"Super-sex!!"
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."