A distraught man goes to see a psychologist.
“How may I help you?’ the doctor asks.
“Doc, every night, I have the same dream. I’m lying in bed and a dozen women walk
in and try to rip my clothes off and have wild sex with me.”
“And then what do you do?” the shrink asks.
“I push them away,” the man says.
“Then what do you want me to do?” the shrink asks.
“Break my arms!”

A man goes to a psychiatrist office wearing nothing but saran-wrap as underwear. The psychiatrist looks at him and says "I can clearly see your nuts!"

One day, a stunningly attractive woman walks into a doctor's office. As soon as the doctor lays his eyes on her his profession goes right out the window. He asks her to take off her pants. He asks her to sit on the table and when she does, he starts firmly rubbing her thighs. He asks her, "Do you know what I am doing?" She replies, "Checking for abnormalities." Then, he tells her to take off her shirt and bra, and she does as she is told and he starts rubbing her breasts. Again he asks, "Do you know what I am doing?" "Checking for cancer," she replies. Then he instructs her to take her panties off, and after she does, he lays her back, pulls off his pants and underwear, jumps up on top of her and begins to have sex with her. Once again, "Do you know what I am doing?" Then, the woman answers, "Checking for herpes, that's what I am here for."

Four Doctors were talking to each other about who was the best patient to operate on. The first Doctor said, "The best person to operate on are librarians cause everything inside them is in Alphabetical order. Disagreeing, the second doctor announced that Mechanics were the best to operate on because they understand if you've got parts left over when you’re done. The third Doctor replied, “No, No you are both wrong, a technician is the best cause everything inside is color coded."
"excuse me!” broke in the fourth Doctor, “The best to operate on are politicians; they have no guts, no spine and the head and rear are interchangeable".