A Professor was invited to attend a 'RED TIE ONLY' party. When he arrived at the party he was surprised to see that other people were wearing Pants and Shirts too.

A foolish man is making love. Afterwards he says to the woman, “What’s the matter?
Didn’t you like it?”
The woman says, “Of course I liked it. What gave you the idea that I didn’t?”
“Well,” says the man, “you moved.”

A father once said to his son; in my days we were able to buy a soda, popcorn, ice cream, pizza and candy for a dollar but now there are too many cameras!

A man entered the Emergency room with a nearly severed off ear. A young physician was able to suture it back, saving the ear. The physician asked, "Do you mind telling me how your ear was nearly cut off?" The patient said, "I bit it."
The doubting doctor asked, "How did you do that"?
The patient said. "I stood on a chair"