A stalwart Vermont farmer bought some land that was still just as it had been before the Pilgrims landed. He dug up hundreds of stones and built a fence; cut down trees to create a clearing; built a house and a small barn; cleared land for pasture, dug a well and over several years just generally worked his fingers to the bone in creating a small, neat, productive farm.

Eventually his pastor came out for a visit and marveled rather fulsomely, and at great length, at all that "you and God have done together."

"Eh," the farmer said dubiously. "Ya shoulda seen the place when God ran it on his own."

Question: 2 guys.... one is getting a blowjob from an 80-year-old lady and the other is swinging from a trapeze. What should neither guy do?
Answer: LOOK DOWN!!!

Guy: Excuse me honey, were you raised on a farm?
Woman: No, Why?
Guy: Because you sure know how to raise a cock!

The butcher lived in an apartment over his shop. One night he was awakened by strange noises, coming from the shop. He tiptoed downstairs and observed that his 21-year-old daughter was sitting on the chopping block and was masturbating with a liverwurst. He sighed and tiptoed back to bed. The next morning, one of his customers came in and asked for some liverwurst. The butcher explained that he did not have any. The woman was annoyed. She pointed and said, “No liverwurst, eh? Well, what’s that hanging on the hook right over there?” The embarrassed butcher frowned at her and replied, “That, lady, is m son-in-law.”