Out in the country there lived a farmer whose daughter was the most beautiful woman in the county. When she was of marrying age the farmer rounded up the three most eligible bachelors in the county. "You three are my finalists,” he declared. "The first one who can pass my gauntlet I will give my daughter's hand in marriage. Now, the gauntlet consists of four tests. You must run through my field and then swim across the lake and then you must jump over the barbed wire fence. There you will meet the final test which will remain a secret until that time" the three men began the gauntlet. The first ran through the field but could not swim across the lake. The second ran the field and swam the lake but could not clear the fence. The third man ran the field, swam the lake and cleared the fence. "I am ready for your secret test,” declared the third man. "Alright" said the farmer. " The final test is you must have sex with my cow" the man was disgusted at first but then he thought, "it's only once and no one will know. Then I will have his beautiful daughter" the man then had sex with the cow. Afterward the farmer was not entirely convinced. " Have sex with my cow three more times and I will know your love for my daughter is sincere" said the farmer. At first the man was indignant but then thought of how beautiful the farmer's daughter was and how much he yearned to marry her. Eventually he gave in and had sex with the cow three more times. The farmer was overcome with joy. "You have proven yourself worthy,” exclaimed the farmer. "You have my blessing to marry my daughter." "Forget your daughter" the man responded, "how much you want for your cow?"

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.
Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.
The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."
The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.
"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."
The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.
The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.
"Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."
The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.
The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."
So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the most ugly, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.
"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...pregnant when you met her."

Mesmerized by the automatic milking machine, the pubescent young boy decided to place his member in one of the slots and have it milk him. The experiment proved highly successful, but when he was finished, he was unable to liberate himself. Unwillingly he called for his father. After examining the situating, the farmer headed for his truck.
“Where are you going?” be boy cried. “To town, to get oysters. That machine there is set at two quarts.”

A farmer was sitting at the breakfast table one-day watching his wife bent over taking the biscuits out of the oven. He says babe I think your but is as big as mine combine. The farmers wife throws the pan of biscuits on the table, and says, man if you want breakfast you’d better shut up. The farmer says ok. After breakfast the farmer goes out to do his chores. At lunch he is standing in the kitchen watching his wife bend over to set the table and tells her baby I’m sorry but your ass is as big as mine combine. The farmers wife glares at him saying, you’d better watch it bud. The farmer says ok. That evening after supper the farmer is sitting at the table watching his wife scrubbing the pots and pans. He tells his wife, honey you can get mad if you want to but your ass is as big as mine combine. The wife ignores him and acts as though she didn’t hear him. Later that night in bed the farmer is feeling a little horny so he puts his arm around his wife. She grabs his arm and throws it off! What’s wrong, the farmer asks? The wife replies, if you think I’m starting this 1/2 million dollar machine to pick a 1/2 an ear of corn you're crazy!