At the produce section of the local market, a man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The young attendant said he would go ask his manager about the matter. So he
walked into the back and said, "There's some jerk out there that wants
to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying
this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so
he added, "and this here gentleman wants to buy the other half..."

The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.

Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got
yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed
with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and
we like that around here. Where are you from son?"
The boy replied, "Canada, Sir."
"Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager.
The boy replied, "They're all just up-tight homely women and hockey
players up there."
"Really," replied the manager, "My wife is from Canada!"
The boy replied, "No kidding! What position did she play?"

Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
Extra traction in the mud!

A woman was walking by in a bar when a man stopped in front of her and rubbed his nose with his hand.
The woman, confused and irritated, asked, “What are you doing?!"
The man replied with a smile, “Just clearing a place for you to sit."

Q. Why do brides wear white?
A. So the dishwasher matches the fridge and stove