The fence between Heaven and Hell broke. St. Peter was sent to talk to Lucifer about who’s going to fix the fence. No agreement was reach and St. Peter said, “you will be hearing from our lawyer.” To that, Lucifer replied: “Where are you going to get one?”

I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money.
"Why do you say that?"
"Listen to this from his bill: For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25'.

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"
"Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer.

On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.