Two old ladies are walking through a museum and get separated. When they run into each other later the first old lady says, ‘My! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?’ The second lady replies, ‘Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a thing! My gosh, the penis on it was so large!’ And the first old lady blurts out, ‘and cold, too!’

An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband. “I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?”
He replies. “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”

85-year old Lucy bursts into the game-room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand can have sex with me tonight!” an elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, “An elephant?” Lucy thinks a minute and says, “Close enough.”

When her husband passed away, Elaine put the usual death notice in the newspaper, but added that he had died of gonorrhea. Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family called and chided, “You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea.”
Elaine said, “Yes I know, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big jerk that he really was.”