An extremely drunk man looking for a brothel stumbles into a podiatrist’s office instead and weaves over to the receptionist. Without looking up, she waves him over to the examination bed and says, “Stick it through that curtain,” Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pull out his penis and sticks it through the crack in the curtain. “That’s not a foot!” screams the receptionist.
“Hey lady. I didn’t know you had a minimum!” the man replied.

A man was running late for a Job interview. When he got to his destination, he couldn't find a parking spot. He prayed: "God, if you help me find a parking spot I will go to church every Sunday, I will go to a weekly bible study and give my fare share to the church. Amen"
Just then a parking spot opened up. The man said "Never mind that God, I found one"

Two men are talking about how they want to leave the world. “I’d like to go out like my uncle,” says the first man. “He died at the race track.” The second man says he’d like to go out like his grandfather. “He just died peacefully. Fell asleep and never woke up or made a sound. Nothing like the people riding in his bus.”

A man and his wife are having a horrible fight. She throws her arms up in the air and says, "I have had it, I am going to kill my self!"

She runs to the window and tries to open it. The man, in a panic, runs to the manager's apartment and says, "Come quick to my apartment, its an emergency!"

The manager asks "Why, what's happening?"

The man says, "The window is stuck!"