It was a lovely spring wedding
He was Catholic. She was not.
After the reception they retired to their hotel room.
She changed in the bathroom into her new, lacy nightgown and robe, came out and sat on the bed waiting for him.
He went into the bathroom to change and came out in his new pajamas and bathrobe.
He knelt at the foot of the bed and said his prayers.
He then came around and gave his bride a chaste kiss on the cheek, then he turned around and went to the couch to lie down.
She patted the bed beside her and asked "Darling, why don't you come and lie down here beside me?"
He said, "I'm sorry dear. I can't. It's Lent"
She said, "It's what?"
He said "It's Lent".
She cried with anguish "To whom and for how long?"

Define: 'Egghead'
A: What Mrs. Dumpy gives to Humpty.

At a construction site one day at lunchtime, three men were all sitting down to eat their lunches. The first man opens up his lunch pail to find a PB&J sandwich "PB&J AGAIN! I swear, if I have to eat this one more time I'm going to jump off this DAMN building!" The second guy opens up his lunch box to find a tuna sandwich " TUNA AGAIN! If I have to eat another one of these stinking things again I’m going to jump off with you!" The third guy looks inside his box and sees a bologna sandwich and screams "HELL, bologna again, well, if I get this again, I'll jump off this building with ya!
Well, the next day all three guys find the same types of sandwiches in their containers so they all leave notes as to why they jumped and then jump off. At the funerals the new widows are all sitting together. The first man's wife cries, "if only he had told me, I would have fixed something else." The second mans wife says "It wouldn't have been a problem...I thought he liked tuna." But the third guys wife sat their dumbfounded and said " well I just...just...don't understand! He made his own lunch!"

A man walks out of a bar and sees a bum panhandling on the corner. And the bum says, “Mister, do you have a dollar you could spare me?”
The man thinks about the question for a bit and asks the bum, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it to by liquor?”
“No,” says the bum.
The man then asks the bum, “If I five you a dollar, are you going to use it for gambling?”
Again the bum says, “No.”
So the man says to the bum. “Do you mind coming home with me so I can show my wife what happens to someone who doesn’t drink or gamble?”