A rabbit and a bear were walking in the forest, when they come across a talking mushroom. The mushroom says "Alright you have found me! I will give you three wishes each." The bear said:” I wish all the bears in the forest were females" so it happened. The rabbit said:” I want a really flash motorbike" so he got it. "I wish all the bears in the country were females,” said the bear. "I want a flash helmet to go with my bike,” said the rabbit. "I wish all the bears in the world were females,” said the bear. Then the bear ran off in a horny fit. The rabbit said: "I wish the only male bear was gay"

An American tourist in Madrid, Spain, goes into a local restaurant one evening and orders an unintelligibly named Spanish meal. It turns out to be a delicious, spicy meat dish, which he consumes with gusto. Then he asks the waiter "Hey, Manuel, what was in that recipe?" "Well, sir, if you must know" replies the waiter, "It was bull's testicles and chili". The tourist is taken aback, but nevertheless returns the following evening for another serve. "I'm sorry sir," says Manuel, "but there was no bull-fight today and I couldn't get the essential ingredient for your meal. However, there is a bull-fight tomorrow, so please return tomorrow evening and I'm sure I will be able to serve you your preferred meal." The following evening the tourist takes his seat and the meal arrives. It is disappointingly small. He eats it, but complains to Manuel that the meal was inadequate. "I'm very sorry sir," says Manuel apologetically, "but today the bull won...”

Three men died and went to hell. When they get there the devil asks the first guy why he was there and he replied "I have a drinking problem." so the devil puts him in a room with every kind of alcohol he can imagine, then he locks the door. He then asks the 2nd guy why he was there the guy then says, "I can't stop cheating on my wife." The devil then puts him in a room with the hottest girl ever and locks the door. Then he asks the last guy why he was there he reply "I’m a pot smoker.” So the devil locks him in a room with lots and lots of pot. In a hundred years the devil comes back and unlocks the first door and the guy comes out and says,” I will never drink again!" so the devil sends him to heaven. He goes to the 2nd door and opens it and the guy comes out and says" I will never look at another woman again!" so the devil sends him to heaven. Finally he goes to the third door and opens it and goes in and there is the pot smoker sitting there with tears coming down his face. When devil asks him what is wrong he replies, " Hey man you got a light??"

A woman with really hairy armpits got on a crowded us. Unable to find a seat, she settled on hanging on to one of the poles. A drunk man next to her stared for three minutes, then said, “ I love a woman who does aerobics.” The woman replied angrily, “I don’t do aerobics!” The drunk man then looked at the woman and said, “then how did you get your leg up so high?”