An avid jogger has a daily route that takes him by an antique store and over a bridge. One day as he is jogging, he sees a paperweight in the window of the store in the shape of a rat painted gold. He likes the statuette and buys it, then continues his route. He looks behind him and sees a rat following him. He thinks nothing of it and continues to jog. He looks behind him again and sees a mob of rats following him, but keeps jogging. By the time he reaches the bridge, every rat in the city is following him. He stops on the bridge and throws the paperweight into the river, and all the rats jump in after it, and drown. The man jogs back to the antique store and asks the man behind the counter, "Do you have any golden lawyer statues?"

Two guys, one a senior and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy. “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” The young guy says, “That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a bit anxious.” The old guy says. “Well maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like? The young guy says, “She is 28 years-old, tall, with brown hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she’s wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?”
The old guy says, “Doesn’t matter…….let’s look for yours.”

A man goes shopping at Whole Foods to gets a few things. When he arrives at the checkout register the clerk asks, "did you bring your own bag"? And he responds, "No, she stayed home today"!

A young woman walked into dry cleaners and walked up to the counter. She handed the guy her blouse, as she left he said "Come again!" she replied "No, it was ketchup this time."