A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking? The man gets really indignant and says, Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?
A guy gets pulled over for speeding 88 MPH in a 45
zone. The cop asks for his drivers license and the guy
says, "I'm sorry officer, but my license was suspended
after my 5th DUI."
The cop asks for his registration and the guy says,
"It's in the glove compartment, but it's not in my name
because I stole this car in a car jacking and I killed
the woman that owns the car and stuffed her in the
trunk and the gun I used is in the glove compartment.
At this point the cop tells the guy to keep his hands
in sight and he radios for back-up.
When a supervisor shows up, the cop tells him the story
and he walks up to the guy in the car. The supervisor
asks to see the guy's drivers license and the guy hands
it over and it is valid with the guys real name and
information.
The supervisor asks for the registration and the guy
says, "It's in the Glove compartment." The supervisor
tells the guy to keep his hands in sight and walks
around to the passenger side and opens the glove
compartment. There is the registration in the guys
name and everything seems in order.
Next the supervisor asks the guy to get out and open
the trunk. The guy opens the trunk and the only thing
there is a spare tire.
At this point the supervisor tells the guy what the
other cop had told him. The guy says "I'll bet that
lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding too!"
Father O'Grady was saying his goodbye's to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.
What's bothering you so, dear? inquired Farther O'Grady.
Oh, father, I've got terrible news. Replied Mary.
Well what is it, Mary? Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father.
Oh, Mary said the father, that's terrible.
Tell me Mary, did he have any last requests?
Well, yes he did father, replied Mary.
What did he ask, Mary?
Mary replied, He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the gun...'
A guy gets a new mustang and starts driving it home. He goes over the speed limit by about 30 mph. A police stops him and says, "today has been a tiring day for me, if you tell me a line that I haven't heard, I won't write you a ticket" So the man sits there for about 30 seconds and says, "well my wife left me for a policeman, and I thought you were trying to give her back". So the policeman said, "Have a nice day"
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