Two women on a night out decided to take a short cut home through the graveyard. Both decided that needed to take a pee, but not having any paper, one wiped herself on her knickers and the other on a wreath.
The next day their husbands met in the pub and one said to the other "I am not letting my wife out again. Last night she came home with no knickers on."
"That’s nothing", said the other man. "My wife came home with a card stuck between her cheeks which said - We will never forget you, from all the lads at the Fire Station".

A man and his wife go to a restaurant. The waiter goes to their table and asks for their order. The man says, “I’ll have a steak, and make it really rare.” “But sir, what about the mad cow?” asked the waiter. The man replied, “Oh! She’ll order herself.”

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?' yells the customer, "with your hand on my steak?"
"Sorry" answers the waiter, "I don’t want it to fall on the floor again!"

Q: What kind of a laugh do lesbians have?
A: A Muffled one!