A Floridian, a New Yorker and a Canadian are in a bar one night having a beer.
The New Yorker drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In New York our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice".

The Canadian (obviously impressed by this) drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Canada we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either'.

The Floridian, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the New Yorker and the Canadian.
He says "In Florida we have so many New Yorkers and Canadians that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice".

This man walked out of the bar, very drunk. He decided he would walk home instead of drive. A policeman saw him walking so he pulled up on the side of him and asked, "What the hell are you doing?" The man looked at the policeman and said, "Going to a lecture." The policeman said, "Who is giving a lecture at this time of the night?" The man replied, "My wife."

A drunk was walking along the river side and came upon a baptismal service. Curious, he walked up to see what was happening, and the preacher looked him up and down and said, "Son, I can see your life has been hard, and since you have come here I have to ask you one question. Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk got closer to the water and said, "Yes, I believe that I am ready" So the preacher dunked him under the water and pulled him back up, and asked, "Have you found Jesus yet?" The drunk thought a minute and said, "No, I can't say that I have." So the preacher smiled and dunked him again and held him for a little longer, then pulled him up and asked, "Have you found him now?" The drunk said "Nope, not yet." Not wanting a rumor to start saying that he couldn't save a man the preacher dunked him again and held him down for a full minute, then pulled him up and asked, "Surely you've found him now," right? The drunk, gasping for air, looked at the preacher and asked "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

A woman sits down next to a cowboy in a saloon. She says, "Are you a REAL cowboy?" He replies, "Well, Mam, I brand calves, rope steers, mend fence, ride the range...think about cows a lot of the time...yep...I guess I'm a REAL cowboy."
She says, "I'm a lesbian. I think about women all day, all evening, all the time...I think about making love with women."
They sat there sipping their beers. Then, a man walked in and sat on the other side of the cowboy. He said, "Are you a REAL cowboy?" The cowboy responded, "Well, I THOUGHT I was...but I just found out that I'm really a lesbian."