You Might Be a Redneck If. . .
You go swimming in the drainage ditch behind your house.
Your kids fight with the dogs for their dinner.
You have more pet names for your huntin' dog than for your girlfriend.

Q. What is the similarity between a tornado and a redneck getting a divorce??
A. Either way you loose your trailer.

What is the difference between northern and southerner fairytales?

Northerner starts off with "Once upon a time...." a southerner starts with "listen to this shit..."

1. Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.
2. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
3. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
4. Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours. Note: It’s a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.