Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?” 80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
“Mrs. Jones?” “Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any.” She replied, smiling sweetly.
“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight.” she replied.
“Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?”
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: “I outlived the bitches.”

A man walks into a convenience store and walks around a little bit, but when he reaches the middle of the store he drops his pants and starts playing' with himself, the clerk behind the counter sees this and begins to freak she jumps the counter and runs over to the man and begins to yell at him "What the hell do you think you're doing, you can't do that in here!!" The man just looks at the woman for a little bit and then says, "What do you mean, the sign on the store says Kum & Go..."

A guy walks up to a beautiful girl in a supper market says excess me but I lost my girl friend last night would you mind standing here and talking to me for a few minutes? The girl replies I guess but I don't see how it would help any, The guy goes well you see, every time I meet a beautiful woman with boobs like yours my girl friend appears out of no were.

A scruffy looking woman walked passed me in the street. I couldn't help noticing she was only wearing one shoe so I said to her, "I think you've lost a shoe ma'am". "No," she replied, "I found one".