Bill sits up at the bar and says, “Poor me a double, Jack. I just had a fight with the old lady.” “Oh yeah? How did this one end? Let’s jus say when it was over she came to me on her hands and knees.”
Really? Now that’s a switch! What did she say?” She said, ‘Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel!”

Early one evening, the nagging wife of a stock-market analyst retuned home unexpected from a visit to her mother’s house and discovered her husband in bed with a shapely young woman. “Jack, what the hell are you doing?” she shouted. “Didn’t you hear?” the quick-thinking husband asked. “I’ve gone public!”

A new bride deciding that she had had enough of her husband’s physical attention for a while, attempted to put him off by telling him, “It’s that time of the month.” When he attempted another route, she said she suffered from diarrhea. A third alternate was met with the excuse of pyorrhea. Gritting his teeth, the husband muttered, “Blood or mud, I’m riding tonight!”

A man is standing on the scale in his bathroom and sucking in his gut. His wife catches him and says, “that’s is not going to help at all.” “Yes it is,” the man barks. “Now I can see the numbers!”