How do you know when a male porn star is at the gas station?
Right before the pump turns off, he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car.

Three months after his wife died, her husband also dies of loneliness and sorrow. He reaches the heavenly door and is greeted by Saint Peter himself. The man asks his new master to give him a tour of heaven so he can get used to his new surroundings and immediately Saint Peter complies. He put the man on a cloud and started explaining the greatness and beauty of heavens. Down below the man sees a group of women slowly spinning around and ask his guide what the women are doing. Saint Peter tells him that those women were unfaithful to their husbands and are being punished to spin around for all eternity. The man started jumping of excitement and crying of happiness and said “I knew it, I knew it!” to what Saint Peter ask, what is it my dear man? The man continues jumping and tells his mentor “my wife is not in that group Father”. Saint Peter said to the man, “Don’t get so excited, I have your wife as my ceiling fan?

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, doctor,” said the curvy call girl. “I feel tired, dragged out. Pooped. No pep. No get up and go. Is it vitamin deficiency, low blood count, or what? The physician gave her a top-to-toe examination and then his verdict. “Young lady, there’s really nothing wrong with you. You’re run-down that’s all. You’ve been working too hard. I suggest you try staying out of bed for a few days.”

Today is special because if it's clear out you can see one of the furthest planets away from earth with your naked eye. At about midnight, go outside, bend over, look straight up, and you will see Uranus.