Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, charging around the nursing home, taking corners on two wheels, and reaching maximum speeds on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was a few bricks shy of a full load the other residents tolerated her, and some of the male residents even joined in.
One day, Ethel was flying down one corridor when a door opened and out stepped kooky Clarence with his hand in the air, “STOP" he ordered. Do you have a license to drive that thing? Ethel fished around in her pocket, pulled out a candy wrapper and held it up for him to see "OK" he said, and away Ethel went down the hall at top speed.
Rounding the corner by the lunchroom weird Willy jumped out yelling, "STOP"...... Do you have proof of insurance? Ethel searched her other pocket and pulled out a drink coaster, and held it up for Willy to see. Very well. Willy nodded carry on ma'am.
As Ethel rounded the last corner headed for the front door, Crazy Dale stepped out in front of her wearing nothing but a huge erection. Damn cried Ethel "not the Breathalyzer again"

This young man walks into a bar that he's never been to before and he goes up to the bartender to order his drink. While he waits he notices three holes in the bar. When the bartender returns with his drink he asks what they're for. She says, "Oh if you stick your dick in there you can get a free blow job." He nods and sticks his dick into the first hole. "Mmm," he groans, "that’s nice" before he cums he moves to the second hole. "Awww, that’s even better," he moans. Finally he sticks his dick in the third and final hole "oh yeah that’s the best" he groans as he cums. Once he gets his pants up he walks over to the bartender and asks who’s under there "well," she says "the first is a blonde the second is a brunette and the third is and elderly man with no teeth"

A rich slut and a poor slut were standing next to the road when the poor slut asked the rich slut "Where do you get all the money from?"
"That's easy" replied the rich slut, "Just before you have sex, stick an elastic band up your arse, with the movement the elastic band will ping and you shout OW, my back! and you sue the guy."
"Thanks says the poor slut and rushes home and starts looking around but she can't find an elastic band, all she can find is a catapult. So, with a major struggle she got it up. She went down the spot where she had been standing and almost immediately a car pulled up. The two went back to the guy's home and they went down to business and suddenly, PING! The catapult had shot and the slut yelled "OW, my back! I'll sue you for this!" The man replied "Never mind your back, my balls just went out the window!"

While making love together for the first time Joe was furious when his girlfriend suddenly stopped and lay back.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Forgive me,” she said, “but it’s your organ. It just isn’t big enough. “Excuse me!” Joe replied, “But it wasn’t meant to be played in a Cathedral!”