Two old trees are conversing in the forest when they happen to notice a baby sapling beginning to grow between them. Trying to determine what kind of tree it is, they find themselves in a bit of an argument. One is certain it is a son of a birch tree, while the other is certain it is a son of a beach tree. Soon after becoming quite unsure of the type of tree it is, they ask some other old trees in the forest for their opinions. Once again, his or her dilemma reoccurs - no one is sure. The following day, a woodpecker lands on one of the old tree's branches. "Wood pecker! You know every kind of tree there is, can you tell us, is that baby tree down there a son of a birch or a son of a beach?" So the woodpecker flies below and pecks here and there on the sapling then flies back up to the old trees. "Well which is it, a son of a birch or son of a beach?" "Ah, neither" the woodpecker replies, "That is the finest piece of ash I've ever had my pecker in".

A bunch of guys were sitting around the break room talking about sex and women of course and in comes Joe Schmo. One guy says to the other guys, "Man I just don’t understand it. That guy Joe is just an average ordinary looking guy who doesn’t have a lot of money and he gets all the women he wants with the snap of his fingers." "What the hell does he got that I haven't got?” And this other guy who is an old timer and has been around awhile looks at the guy and says, "Son let me ask you a question. When you go to the bathroom and you get done whizzing, do you shake your penis with your hand to get off the excess urine?" And the other guy is kind of puzzled but he says "Well yeah. Of course I do." "But what does that have to do with Joe getting all the women?" The old timer looks him in the eye and says "Well son, Ol' Joe over there when he gets done taking a piss, he doesn't shake it, He Kicks It!"

Man meets woman in a bar, takes her home strips her off and is very impressed! Removes his own clothes causing the woman to redress herself. "Whats wrong? “He says. “You told me you had at least a foot!” she cries “ no, no” he laughs, “I said had athletes foot!"

Mrs. Johnson wants to spice things up in the bedroom so she decides to buy some crotch less panties and surprise Mr. Johnson when he gets home from work by waiting on the bed showing her new panties. Mr. Johnson walks in and Mrs. Johnson asks, " Do you want to have some fun?" and Mr. Johnson replied, "Hell No!! Not after what it did to your underwear."