A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 10 shots of tequila. The bartender serves him his drinks and watches as the man drinks the first shot, spits it out and says "man that boy sure can drive!" the man continues to do this with the other 9 shots repeating over and over "man that boy sure can drive!" the bartender, getting a little pissed that the man was wasting his drinks, ask the man why he is spitting all his tequila on the floor. The man replies."Well my friend and me were driving down this little 2-lane road. We were going about 50 mph and we look behind us and there is a big ass semi coming behind us at like 80 mph. and I turned to my friend, who was driving, and said. Man if you can get us out of this one I will suck your dick."

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

A plastered man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees 3 men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks at the biggest, meanest one in the face and says, "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is a fine looking woman!" The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker, and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad, but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!" At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders and says, "Grandpa, you're drunk....... Go home!"

On a cold stormy day, a short little man came skipping into a neighborhood bar with a great big smile on his face, and with the most pleased voice he asked the bartender for a beer, as the bartender poured his drink he asked the man,” what has made you so happy this gloomy day?" the little man said so proudly in his happy voice,” I made sweet love to my wife last night!" and the bartender asked,” how??" the little man said,” I read her a poem!" the bartender then asks,” what did you say?" the little man said,” I said, blonde hair, blonde hair, eyes so blue, get under these covers and I’ll make sweet love to you!!" The bartender decided he had to try this... the next day the happy little man comes skipping into the bar and asked for a beer but the bartender was all beat up so the little man asked, "well what in the world happened to you?????" the bartender said,” my wife don’t dig that poetry shit too much!!!" the little man asked,” well what did ya say??" the bartender said,” I said, nappy hair, nappy hair, eyes like a frog, get under these covers and I’ll fuck you like a dog!!"