Inane Ponderings

1. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
2. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. How do I set my laser printer on stun?
5. How is it possible to have a civil war?
6. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
7. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
8. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
9. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
10. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
11. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
12. If you're born again, do you have two belly-buttons?
13. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
14. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
15. Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
16. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
17. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
18. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
19. What happens when none of your bees wax?
20. Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket?
21. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
22. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
23. If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't
everyone just move 10 miles away?

Adragon475

Once Upon A Time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mother and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, raise my children and forever feel happy doing so."
That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she laughed to herself and thought, "I don't fucking think so."

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the jungle, she was very attracted to him.
During her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.
"Tarzan not know sex," he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, "Oh... Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how
to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. "Here" she said, "you >must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood.
Tarzan stepped closer, and then gave her a mighty kick right in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed: "What did you do that
for?" "Tarzan check for squirrel"

Q: Why are eggs always depressed?

A: Because they only get laid once, they only get eaten once, the only person to ever
sit on their face is their mother, and you have to boil them to make them hard.