A woman is in a psychiatrist's office and says to her doctor, "Please ... kiss me!"
the doctor responds, "That's all I need. Isn't it enough that we're naked and I'm lying
on top of you?
A man comes running into the doctors office yelling, "Doc, Doc, I need
help---Help me--I can't go home like this----Doctor asks, "what's wrong"? ------The man says, "I got this brown ring around my dick and I can't get it off. I can't go home like this! The doctor says, "Well let me see," and the guy shows him.........
"Ok" says the doctor and goes off into the back room and mixes up a
solution and returns and washes the brown ring right off.
The man says, "Oh thanks doc --- there was no way I could go home
like that. How much do I owe you? Doc says $15.00.
The guy says, “Gee thanks doc." and went on his way.
A couple of days later the guy came in again. "Doc, Doc, help me.
I got this red ring around my dick and I can't get it off. I can't go home like this!"
Doc says, "Ok let me see." The guy shows him and sure enough, a red ring around his dick. "Wait here," said the Doc...............and goes and mixes up another solution, and come out and washes the red ring right off. "Wow" said the guy...."Thank you, there’s no way I could have gone home like that. How much do I owe you"?
The doc says, that’ll be $20.00.........."But you only charged me $15.00 for the brown ring!!!!" "Doc says, "I know, but lipstick is harder to wash off than shit is."
A woman is undergoing plastic surgery to reduce her vaginal lips and asks her doctor for strict confidentiality. The doctor says “not a problem”. After the surgery the woman wakes up and the first thing she sees, are 3 flowers on the table. The doctor comes in and asks, “How are you feeling?” I’m a little upset she replies. Why? Everything went well with the surgery, the doctor claimed. She replies, “you told someone" "no, I didn't." Then where did these flowers come from?" "One was from me cause I felt sorry for you”, “the other from my nurse that helped, she had had the same surgery last year and the 3rd is from the guy on the 5th floor in the burn unit and said to tell you thanks for the ears"....
While having lunch in Central Park, a pair of retired doctors saw a man walking their way. His knees were pressed together, his hands were clenched in tight fists, and his wrists were bent inward, toward his wait.
“You still got your knack for diagnosing?” asked one doctor. “Sure. Why?” replied the other. He gestured toward the man. “I’d say the poor fellow’s got cerebral palsy.”
The other doctor shook his head. “Arthritis, for sure.”
“Let’s find out,” said the first. However, before the doctor could ask, the man stopped in front of their bench. He said through his teeth, “Pardon me, but do either of you gentlemen know where in this damn park the rest rooms are?”