There's a babysitter that's about 27, and he told the little girl he was baby sitting, that he was going to take a shower, she asked "can I take one with you" he said "NO" she said "pretty please" well I guess . In the shower she asks what's that?, he said "John" she said "can I play with him ?" "NO" "please" "ok" They get out and he says he's going to take a nap, she said " can I play with John" "NO" "pretty please with a cherry on top" I guess so . When he wakes up he asks, why's John on the floor? she said, "He spit at me so I cut him off .

Two perverts are watching a film in a movie theater.
When Julia Roberts appears on the screen, one pervert says to the other, “You know, I’ve had her three times.”
A Half hour goes by and Demi Moore is on the screen.
“You know, I’ve had her four times,” the first pervert says to the second pervert.
Soon, Sharon Stone appears on the screen. The second pervert turns and says to his pal, “I guess you had her too, huh?
“Be quiet, I’m having her now.”

Two lesbians are sitting in a bar. They have been drinking for quite sometime when one turns to the other and slurs, "did you know there are thousands of battered women all over the world"? The other sits quietly for a moment then turns and says, "No shit and I’ve been eating them plain all this time".

Every night before she went out on a date, the young girl was told by her mother, “Remember, dear. When he tries to touch you a certain way, a girl's best friends are her legs." Much to her mother's dismay however, several weeks later her daughter announced that she was pregnant. "What! How did it happen? Didn't I tell you that a girl's best friends are her legs?" "You did mama, but there comes a time when even best friends must part.