...You've ever flirted over a drive-thru window speaker.

...You've ever picked birdshot out of your fried chicken.

...You've ever told a bill collector you were dead.

...You named each of your children after the car they were conceived in.

...Your voice changed while you were in the second grade.

You might be a red neck if you put a quarter in parking meter and say, "Hey, where in the heck is my gumball."

A hillbilly sent an advertisement to the newspaper that read: ‘farmer, age 36, wishes to become acquainted with a woman around 30 who owns a tractor. Please send a picture of tractor.'

A redneck goes into a bar and orders a drink from the waitress. A little while later, she comes back. “Anything else I can get you, handsome?” Well, ma’am, I sure could use a nice piece of ass.”
The waitress’s eyebrows go up, she nods, and she leads him into the back room where she makes mad love to him. When they’re finished, they get dressed and return to their places.
“Now, honey, is there anything else I can get for you? She asks, smiling. “Thank you kindly, ma’am, but I could still use that piece of ass. Mah drink is gettin’ mighty warm.”