An hour after checking into the motel, the guest stormed up to the front desk. “What kind of chickenshit joint are you running?” he claimed.
“What’s the problem, sir? The confused desk clerk asked. “I went up to my room, unlocked the door, and there was a man holding a gun, “blustered the irate guest. “He told me to get on my keens and give him a blow job or he’d blast my brains all over the room.” “Oh my,” gasped the clerk, shocked and embarrassed. “What did you do?” The guest screamed “Well, you didn’t hear any shots, did you?”

A man has to take a business trip overseas so he entrusts his best friend with the job of keeping an eye on hi wife. If anything out of the ordinary should occur, his friend was to notify him immediately. After about a week with no contact, the businessman received a telegram containing only one sentence. “The man who comes to visit your wife every night didn’t show up yesterday.”

Change your Facebook Name to Benefits so when someone adds you on Facebook, it will say, “You are now friends with Benefits.”

A newly married was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, “Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later, at about 2 o’clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn’t wait any longer. It was 4 o’clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal.” “A rehearsal?” his buddy asked. “Don’t you mean a performance?”
“No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes.”