Politics is a game whereby the people want to know what the candidates stand for and the candidates, how much the people will fall for.

A lot of folks can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. Well, there’s a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn’t know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical.
Our OIL is located in Alaska, California, Oklahoma and Texas.
Our DIPSTICKS are ALL located in Washington DC.

A key part of a candidate’s reform program was the elimination of the X-rated video stores springing up down town. As she stood campaigning before the crowd, her face grew red with anger at the very thought of this threat to public decency and morals. “I actually rented one of these filthy tapes,” she declared bravely, “and was disgusted to witness horrible acts of perversion: oral sex, one man engaging in the sex act with three women, a woman accommodating four men, and even sodomy! Vote for me, ladies and gentlemen, and I guarantee this blight on our community will be eliminated!”
Catching her breath, she asked, “Any questions?”
Twenty hands shot up. “Where’d you get the tape?”

The government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed. Damn, it just doesn’t get more accurate than that!