A wife demands bedroom manners.
So when the husband climbs into bed naked he should say "honey, please pass the vagina."

One day while a man was working he cut off the end of his finger while panicking he calls his wife and says, "Honey, I need to go to the hospital. I cut off my finger." The wife replies "Your whole finger?" The man replies “No, the one next to it."

Two condoms are walking down the street when they pass a gay bar.
One condom says to the other, "You wanna go get fucked?"

Two mates have been on safari in deepest, darkest Africa for six months shooting and trapping all manner of game when they come across a large female orangutan, one says to the other “gees I'm horny, how about we trap her and have a bit of fun?" "I don’t know" replys the other" shes a big monkey ", leave it up to me, comes the reply. After much ado they finally net her, stake her out on the ground, and to calm her down place a bag over her head. “Right, says the first hunter" get your knife ready and if I get into trouble you will have to take her out, ok?" "Sure will” comes the reply. The first guy jumps on and after a minute or so she goes berserk, pulls the stakes out of ground and grabs him in a huge hug, “quick the knife, the knife!! "He roars" where do I stab her”, yells the other guy!! "Stab her, no don’t stab her, cut the bag off her head I want to kiss her!!" he roared