Q: What did the elephant say to the naked guy standing in front of him?
A: How do you breath through something that small?

While traveling in West Virginia a man noticed an old gentleman standing in his front yard with a shovel in his hand wiping the sweat from his brow crying. Concerned, the man stopped and asked him what was wrong. "I just got finished burying Old Blue. The best old coon dog I ever had" he sobbed. Looking around at 6 holes dug the man asked him why he had to dig 6 holes to bury one dog. He said "Boy, don't you know nuthin'? The first 5 holes were too small".

There was a Rabbit, a Turtle, and a Lizard. The three of them were thinking of a way to get rich. OK I’ve got it says the Turtle we can sell produce. Great idea, they all agreed. The Turtle says I’ll go get the plow with the cow, you Lizard go get the seeds and you rabbit go get the fertilizer and we will all meet back here. So the Rabbit gets back three years later, and finds a big mansion and fields of growing crops. The Rabbit knocks on the door and asks: is there a Lizard living here?? The butler replies: Yes, “Mr. Lizard is out by the yard.” Is that right? Does a Turtle live here?? Asked the Rabbit. The butler replies: Yes, “Mr. Turtle is out by the well.” Well says the Rabbit, “Go tell them that Mr. Rabbit is here with the SHIT!!!”

Did you hear about the cat that swallowed a ball of wool?
She had mittens.