One day a man goes to visit his doctor and asks: “do you have any pesticide condoms.” The doctor says, you mean spermicidal. No, the man says I mean pesticide because my wife has a bug up her ass and I’m going in after it.

Seventy-year-old Mr. Larson went to see his doctor.
“Marlow,” he said, “I need something which will enable me to get an erection. What can you do? The doctor gave the man a shot of potency drug, but only charged him $50.00 for the office visit.
A few days later, thrilled with the results, Mr. Larson returned for a second injection. Only this time, before leaving, he gave the doctor a crisp $100 bill.
“But the bill is only $50.00.” “I know,” he winked. “The other $50.00 is from my wife.”

A couple on their honeymoon is just about to make love when the girl says. I have something to admit, I am a little bit flat. She takes off her shirt and he says I love you just the way you are. Then he says, I also have a confession and he points to his organ and says I am kind of built like a baby down here. She says ok I guess I can live with that. So he takes off his pants and she faints. When she finally comes too she says I thought you were built like a baby. He says, YEAH 9LBS 21 INCHES

A husband was abducted by aliens one day, and the alien said: "Take me to your leader" and the husband said: "Sorry my wife isn't home."