Old Mrs. Jones comes home after her doctor’s appointment. “I got a clean bill of health,” she tells Old Mr. Jones. “The doctor says I have the legs of an eighteen-year-old.”
“Whoop-dee-doo,” her husband says, sarcastically. “What did he say bout your seventy-five-year-old ass?”
“Actually, he didn’t mention you at all.”

A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, and then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries a few more times with no success. All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, “You need more tail.”
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, “Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite!”

Carl marries a virgin. On their wedding night, he’s on fire! He insists they get naked as soon as they get to the hotel, carries her into the bed and immediately begins groping her. “Carl, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table.” Carl folds his hands in his lap and says, “Is this better?” “Much better!” she replies with a smile.
“Okay, then…now will you please pass the pussy?”

Sally says to her friend, “My husband is so absentminded. Yesterday we were making love on the couch when the doorbell rang, and he got up and answered it.”
Her friend says, “What is so absentminded about that?”
Sally says, “He took me with him.”