An elderly man visits his doctor.
“Doctor, I would like you to examine me to see if I am sexually fit.”
“Very well, let me see your sex organs, please.”
The aged patient replied o.k. “And stuck out his index finger and his tongue.”
Grandma Goes to Court
Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?
Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years.
Defense! Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to him, "Take me, young man, Take me!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you? Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, "April Fool!"….And that's when I shot the son of a bitch!
A woman hears that her 98-year-old grandfather has died, and journeys to see her grandmother. After the funeral, she asks, "How did it happen, Granny?" "Well, dear, it happened while we were making love one Sunday morning." "My goodness, Granny, two people almost 100 years old shouldn't be having sex!" the granddaughter exclaims. Her grandmother replies, "Well, dear, it's really a matter of patience and timing. You see, we pace ourselves to the sound of the church bells down the street. In with the ding, out with the dong...and we were doing fine until that damned ice cream truck came by!"
An elderly woman went to the doctor complaining of recent intestinal problems. "Doctor I have terrible gas lately, but it doesn't smell or make noise." The doctor prescribed some pills and told the elderly woman to return in two weeks. After two weeks the woman returned to the doctor saying, "Doctor, I don't know what were in those pills, but now my gas smells terrible!" The doctor said, "I see we have cleared up your sinuses. Now let's work on your hearing."
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