On their wedding night, Bruce displays his member to his new virgin bride and tells her it's the only one in the world.
She, of course, believes him. He's gone to a conference for a couple of weeks. He returns, only to be questioned by his new wife. 'Bruce,' she says, 'I thought you said you had the only one in the world. But Harry at the drug store has one too.'
'Well, er,' Bruce flusters, 'Harry and I were in the war together, I had two, so I gave him one of mine.'
'Oh. Well, why did you give him the best one?'

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A man stumbles home drunk late one night. His wife suspicious begins to inspect him and finds a red hair on his shirt, and says, “I see you are having an affair with a red head.” The man says; “Oh no, honey.” Next weekend, after nursing a black eye, the same thing happens except that the wife finds a blonde hair on his jacket.
This time she says; “I see you are having an affair with a blonde woman.”
The man again says; “Oh no, honey.” Next weekend, after nursing a busted lip, the man decides not to cheat on his wife and goes straight home. Well the wife begins to inspect him but finds nothing. Not a single hair. So now she says; “Oh, now you’re banging a bald woman.”

The farmer goes to town one day, and runs across his old buddy who is a tractor sales man. How is it going? Asks the farmer. "Not very good, I haven't sold a tractor in two weeks" said the salesman, "How is it going with you?" "Not so good" replied the farmer. "The other night I went out to milk my cow. First she tried to kick me with her right leg so I tied her leg to the right side of the stall. Then she tried to kick me with her left leg, so I tied that to the left side of the stall. Then she swatted me with her tail so I tied that to the ceiling. Then my wife walked in and if you can convince her I was just trying to milk that cow, I'll buy a tractor from you!'