The only reason I’d take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.

Three guys in a bar are discussing a female acquaintance that is trying without success to have a family. The first says, “I believe she is impregnable.” The second says, “I think she is inconceivable.” The third disagrees, saying, “You’re both off the mark. She is obviously unbearable.”

On a torrential stormy and a foggy day a man was trying to hitch hike a lift home and no cars would stop. When out of the blue a car pulled up moving very slowly and stopped right in front of him. Asking no questions he jumps into the back seat - relived that finally he had a lift. As the excitement of the lift subsided - he realized that the car had no driver. The car started moving again. The man braced himself as the car moved towards a couple of bends. As the car hit the bends a mysterious hand would pop through the window and turn the car. The man was completely freaked out by this. Ghost car kept on screaming in his head. When he could take no more of this he jumped out of the car and ran for dear life. He came up to a tavern and had to go in for a drink. Inside there were fellow drinkers enjoying their drinks and he just had to let them know what had happened to him. At first the other fellows laughed but then the man started crying...and they thought it has to be true. At that moment two guys stormed into the tavern...shouting, " we ran out of petrol and while we were pushing our car some mad man jumped in...he would happen to have come in here?"

My wife came with instructions. Plenty of instructions. She instructed me on how to do everything all over again. And she was quick to point out all my faults. I only came with two instructions......to show her how to use a beer opener...and how to pick up the empties.