FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told
him he has only 24 hours to live.

Given this prognosis, Ralph asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees,
and they make love.

About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die?" She says, "Of course, dear. "And they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep. Ralph, however, worried about his impending death, tosses & turns until he's down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses. “Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could.....?"

At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Ralph, I have to get up in the morning...You don't."

40 men attended a counseling session to exchange views on their sex patterns
after marriage.
After a short briefing, the counselor asked how many of them have sex with
their wives only once a week. Half of the men raised their hands.
The counselor then asked how many have sex with their wives only once
every forth-night.12 of the remaining 20 men put up
theirs hands, a little embarrassed. I presume then the rest of you do have sex with your wives only once a month? All, except for one of the remaining 8 acknowledged. The counselor turned his attention to this odd looking guy sitting at the corner of the class, giggling to himself. "Sir, I am sorry to ask, but why may I know are you still smiling since you are not enjoying the same frequency as the rest?"
To this the timid man said," Tonight is the night ".

A man is throwing knives on wife's photo... and kept missing the target!
Suddenly his phone ring and his wife says; “Hi, what are you doing?"
"Missing you," was his honest reply.