Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the
other, "I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America,
we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they
both walk toward him. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only
too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns
hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior is
first to open hers. Staring at it for a moment, she leans over to the other nun
and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

Q: You know why the woman got a tattoo of a turkey on one thigh, and a Christmas tree on the other?
A: Because everyone knows the best eating is between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

A beautiful woman walks into an exotic pet store and asks about unusual pets. The young man working the counter reaches into a tank and pulls out a small frog. “This is a special frog,” he explains. “If you disrobe in front of it, it will perform oral sex.” The woman is thrilled. Three days later, the woman returns, and she is not happy. “This frog doesn’t do anything!”
The young man looks baffled. “You must be doing something wrong.” “No, I’m not. I take off my clothes, and hold the frog near me, and he just stares.”
“Well, let me see you try it.” Nervous, the woman complies and strips down. The frog just sits here, blinking. “Now,” the young man says to the frog while getting on his knees, “I’m only going to show you this, one more time….”

Q: What's the definition of a Yankee?
A: Same as a "quickie", except you do it yourself