A man walks into a store and is looking at the handbags. He picks one up and asks the assistant how much it would cost. The assistant replies "£200 for that one". Shocked the customer says "£200! Why does it cost so much? It's only small and doesn't look anything special." The assistant says, "It's the material it's made of." Confused the customer asks, "What is it made of then?" The assistant grins and says "foreskin. You give it a bit of a rub and a lick and it grows into a suitcase!"

There are only 2 thing to worry about in life- either you are healthy, or you are sick. If you are healthy you have nothing to worry about, but if you are sick you have 2 things to worry about: either you'll get better, or you'll die. If you get better you have nothing to worry about, but if you die you have 2 things to worry about: either you will go to heaven, or you will go to hell. If you go to heaven you have nothing to worry about, BUT if you go to hell you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with your friends, you won't have time to worry!

Two private detectives were doing some research on a scandalous divorce case in LA. At the husband’s request they staked out the wife’s bedroom, and sure enough, she had another man inside. The detectives remarked to one another that they were going at it as if sex was going out of style. After watching rather furtively for quite a few minutes, one detective finally said, “As long as we’re here on the case, may be we should go in after him?” To this the other replied, “Great idea! Who first!”

A salesman was transferred to another area. He loved to bird hunt and asked his associates if there was somewhere near by where he could hunt. One of the other salesman said there was a retired salesman who lived on a farm a few miles outside of town and, if you rented his dog, he guarantees you will get your limit.
The next weekend, the salesman went to the farm and asked if he could rent the man’s dog and hunt on his land. “Sure” the retired salesman said. “His name is Salesman. Call him Salesman and tell him what you want to hunt” “I feel stupid talking to a dog,” the salesman replied. “Don’t knock it until you try it.” The man replied. The salesman took the dog out to a field and said “Salesman, I want to hunt pheasant.”
The dog promptly started flushing up pheasant after pheasant until he got his limit. The salesman was impressed but sure that pheasant was all the dog was trained to hunt.
“Salesman, I want to hunt quail.” He said to the dog. To his utter amazement, the dog flushed up quail after quail until he had his limit. Bringing the dog back to his owner the salesman said “This is the most amazing dog I have every seen. I am coming back to rent Salesman again next weekend!” The next weekend the salesman went back to the farm to rent the dog. “Sorry, the dog is ruined” the man said sadly.
“Why? Did someone shoot him?” the salesman replied. “No but I’m fixin’ to.” The man replied. “Somebody came out to rent the dog and I told him like I told you. Call him Salesman and tell him what you want to hunt. Well the darned fool called him Sales Manager and now all he will do is sit on his butt and bark at the other animals all day long.