Q. Why was Tiger in the toilet???
A. He was looking for pooh!

On the morning of his execution the chaplain visited the prisoner.
“They are going to allow you ten minutes of grace, he said.
The prisoner shrugged. “That isn’t very long, but what the hell.
Send her in.”

A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.

Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!

"Quick, darling," the wife shouts frantically, "Do something!"

"Oh, no," the husband says, "That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!"

Little Michael was impressed by the Rolex watch his classmate was wearing and he asked him how he got the money to purchase it. The boy replied, "Simple, I look my dad in the eye and said, "I know everything there is to know about you and my dad gave me five hundred bucks to keep my mouth shut. It's just that simple." When the boy got home he looked his mother in the eye and said, "I know everything there is to know about you." His mother gasped and said, "I'll give you a hundred bucks to keep your mouth shut.” The boy thought, “ this too easy to be true." When his father reached home and got out of the car the boy said, "I know every thing there is to know about you." His father took him in the garage and said; "Here is five hundred bucks if you will keep your mouth shut." The next morning as the boy was leaving for school the postman was walking up to the house. The boy looked him in the eyes and said, "I know everything there is to know about you. The postman knelt down as said, "At last, come here son and give your father a kiss."