Once in the middle of the night two little boys got up to get some water from the kitchen. On their way past their parent’s bedroom they heard a funny sound coming out from there. The oldest boy looked into the keyhole. He backed up and said, "I can't believe it!” The younger brother looked in afterwards and said, "And she yells at me for sucking my thumb!”

Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room
Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room
Marriage- When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room

Love- When intercourse is called making love
Lust- When intercourse in called screwing
Marriage- When intercourse is a little town in Pennsylvania

Love- When you argue over how many kids to have
Lust- When you argue over who gets the wet spot
Marriage- When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids

Love- When you share everything you own
Lust- When you steal everything they own
Marriage- When the bank owns everything

Love- When it doesn't matter if you don't climax
Lust- When the relationship is over if you don't climax
Marriage- When.... uh.... what's a climax

Love- When your heart flutters every time you see them
Lust- When your groin twitches every time you see them
Marriage- When your wallet empties every time you see them

Love- When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel
Lust- When all the songs on the radio determine how you do it
Marriage- When you listen to talk radio

Love- When breaking up is something you try not to think about
Lust- When staying together is something you try not to think about
Marriage- When just getting through the day is your only thought

Love- When you’re only interested in doing things with your partner
Lust- When you’re only interested in doing things TO your partner
Marriage- When you’re only interested in your golf score

Love- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk
Lust- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex
Marriage- When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement

Love- You only leave the house for coffee and doughnuts
Lust- You only leave the house for condoms and vaseline
Marriage- You only leave the house when you’re allowed

The King and Queen were looking for a husband for their daughter. The king invited 3 men to come to the palace, so he could see if any of them were worthy of the princess. The test was to see if they would sleep with his daughter. To check if they had, he put glitter on the princess's vagina. The next day, he checked each of the men's penises. The first guy had glitter on his and the second guy had glitter on his. The third guy didn't have any glitter on his penis and when the king told him he could marry his daughter, he smiled and there was glitter on his teeth.

Q: What do you do with your asshole during wild sex?
A: Leave him home with the kids!!!!!